Spinning Stressful Stories
"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable
form of mental illness"
~ Richard Carlson
True or False? Stress is caused by one or more events happening to a person including major life changes, such as dealing with the death of a parent or spouse, losing your job, getting married, or moving to a new city.
FALSE.
Wait...what??? I know, I know. It really can seem like the unexpected or unwanted events that come our way are the cause of our stress. Yet, we all know that the same situation presented to different people may result in different reactions. Different people will interpret the situation differently. Some people will have a strong emotional reaction while others may have a neutral or peaceful response. Why is this?
The reality is, what shows up in our lives is not what creates stress. In fact, it is our energetic reaction to what shows up that creates "the story". The left side of the brain judges an event and labels it. That is its function. Feelings such as fear, anger, and insecurity or feelings of being overpowered, frustrated, pressured, or helpless are the results of our thoughts. And a lot of these thoughts (usually the fearful ones) are the conditioned response our mind compulsively generates. Our minds perceive our life situation as stressful. These feelings lead to a body response, and if this body response is chronic or prolonged, illness or disease can result. It is all a domino effect that stems simply from a thought.
Take, for example, the man who gets laid off from his job. He may or may not see this lay off coming into his life, but there it is. He comes home and breaks the news to his wife, who is making dinner for not only her and her husband, but also for their three sons. The news he delivers, "I got laid off from work today" is not stressful in and of itself. It is the unspoken phrase, "which means that...." that gets the stressful story started. "Which means that we won't get money for a couple of weeks while we file for unemployment," "which means that I need to update my resume," "which means I have to go job hunting," "which means that we have to cut our expenses," "which means that we have to stop eating out," "which means we might have to sell the house," which means that, which means that, which means that.....
These "which means that's" are all stressful thoughts of an imagined future. None of it has happened yet. The only thing that is really happening in that moment is man and woman talking to each other. That's it. Their thoughts fill in the story which may or may not come true. When we remember that we are not obligated to believe every thought our minds generate, we are free to drop the stressful story and perhaps spin a different story. We can admit to ourselves, "I have no idea what will happen next, but I'm here and present to find out." As Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor says of her stroke of insight, "Peace is only a thought away, and all we have to do to access it is silence the voice of our dominating left mind.”
But how exactly do we do that? How do we get our mind to keep from spinning stressful stories? Following are some suggestions to unravel any stressful story your conditioned mind generates:
1. Go within. Meditation has a profound effect on our ability to cope with however our lives are showing up. When we move into stillness we connect with the Source of all Consciousness. This stillness, this connection allows us to access the greatest ideas, the greatest joy, and the greatest love that dwells within us at all times. Plus, it feels fantastic! During or immediately following the meditation, affirm that the universe (or whatever verbage works for you) supports you. If this is not something you believe, ask the universe to help you. And then trust that it will.
2. Examine your thoughts. If a stressful story has you hostage, face it and look at it in the light of truth. Are these thoughts even true? Can you prove that this thought, this story is absolutely true? Is there another truth, even a contrary one that is as true or even more true? Give room for another thought to exist or at least co-exist. If you are familiar with Byron Katie and The Work, ask the four questions and then do the turnarounds. It's fabulous stuff.
3. Look at the story from space. Sometimes I tell my clients to pretend they are watching the situation as if they are living on a space satellite and can only see the images and not the conversations (inner or outer). What is happening? In my case, in this moment, it is "woman typing on laptop". In your case it is "person reading on computer." Where is the stress in either of those? When you look at the situation "from space" you are no longer buying into the story your mind is selling you.
4. Imagine a new story. In the example of the man and his layoff, he has an opportunity to imagine a new story. He can tell his wife, "You know what? This might actually be a blessing in disguise. This may be the perfect chance to start our own business..." They can brainstorm together and maybe even involve their sons in the process. The layoff could possibly be the catalyst to some really cool family bonding.
Whatever shows up in our lives, it is important most of all to remember that life situations do not happen to us, they happen for us. Yes, what happens for us can be really challenging at times, can be really uncomfortable in places. And it can be also be really, really rewarding. It just depends on the story you tell yourself.
"Stress is not what happens to us. It's our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose." ~ Maureen Killoran
Abouth the Author:
Heather Luszczyk is a Certified Stress Management Coach helping frazzled, working parents simplify their lives so they can enjoy it more. Heather is no stranger to feeling over-whelmed and stressed-out. She once lived with a significant amount of anxiety and used to have panic attacks often. Eventually, she found a way to unravel all of it and now shares that "unraveling" with others. Delving into the realm of a living stress-free life for the past 12 years, she currently helps others do less stressing, straining, second-guessing, over-analyzing, worrying, comparing, arguing, blaming, complaining, procrastinating, what-if-ing, and shoulda-coulda-woulda-ing. In turn her clients enjoy more fulfillment, satisfaction, love, creativity, productivity, fun, adventure, free time, success, accomplishment, health, wealth, synchronicity, and well-being.
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